The Silent Competition: Why I Don’t Compete in Friendships

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I do not consider anyone a friend who secretly competes with me. Friendship should be built on support, trust, and mutual respect—not an unspoken rivalry. Yet, repeatedly, I encounter people who, instead of cheering for me, are measuring themselves against me.

At first, I may not notice it, but the moment I do, my default setting activates: fallback mode. One thing about me is that I refuse to engage in a competition I never signed up for.

Competition Among Friends? No Thanks.

At my age, I didn’t expect to be still navigating these kinds of dynamics with other women. I thought we had outgrown the need to one-up each other, to compare secretly, to let jealousy creep into friendships. But here we are.

The sad truth? Some people don’t know how to just be—they only know how to compete. They are so disconnected from their own authenticity that they base their worth on being “better” than the next person.

But here’s the thing: My aura cannot be competed against.

I am who I am. I own that. I walk in it, unapologetically. I do not need to compare myself to anyone else because I have no desire to be anyone else.

Fake Energy Can’t Hide Forever

The ones who compete the most often assume that everyone is just as fake as they are. They think their hidden agendas, subtle jabs, and constant need to “one-up” go unnoticed.

But real recognize real—and I see through it every time.

I’ve learned that true friendships don’t feel like a competition. There’s no need to “outshine” each other because we all shine in our own way. A real friend celebrates with you, not against you.

Final Thoughts: Stay in Your Own Lane

If you feel like someone in your circle is constantly competing with you, take a step back and ask yourself: Is this really a friendship, or am I unknowingly part of their personal scoreboard?

Real friends inspire each other, not try to outdo each other. And if someone sees you as competition, they were never truly your friend to begin with.

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