How to Identify Narcissistic Friendships

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Friendships should be a safe space where you feel supported, uplifted, and celebrated. But not all friendships are built on genuine connections. Some people enter your life not to pour into you but to drain you. They want to dim your light, chip away at your confidence, and keep you beneath them. These are narcissistic friendships; if you’ve ever felt like a “friend” was more of an opponent, you may have experienced one firsthand.

At first, their behavior may seem subtle—a backhanded compliment here, an odd reaction to your success there. But over time, the pattern becomes clear.

Signs of a Narcissistic Friendship

1. They Have a Superiority Complex

No matter what you accomplish, they find a way to make themselves seem better. They constantly try to outshine you, downplay your wins, and make sure you never feel like you’re on their level. They might say things like:

  • “Oh, that’s cute for you, but I’m aiming higher.”

  • “I mean, anyone could have done that.”

  • “I’ve been doing that for years. You’re just now catching up?”

They need to feel above you at all times.

2. They Withhold Resources to Keep You Beneath Them

A true friend will share information, connections, and opportunities. A narcissistic friend will intentionally keep you in the dark so you never surpass them.

  • They won’t tell you about job opportunities they know you’d be perfect for.

  • They withhold helpful contacts or networking events.

  • They pretend to be clueless about things they’ve mastered, so you struggle.

Because in their mind, if you succeed, they lose control over you.

3. They Speak Ill of You to Other Friend Groups

Ever walked into a room and felt an odd shift in energy? That’s because they’ve been sowing seeds behind your back. They talk about you in ways that paint you as lesser, dramatic, or someone to look down on.

Then, when you come around, their energy shifts. They act awkward, distant, or overly nice—because they know they’ve been badmouthing you.

4. They Humiliate You Publicly for Laughs

A narcissistic friend will take pictures or videos of you at your worst—drunk, disheveled, in a vulnerable moment—and post them for the world to see.

  • They claim it’s “just a joke.”

  • They laugh it off when you express discomfort.

  • They love making you the punchline because it feeds their ego.

A real friend protects your image, not exploits it.

5. They Gaslight You & Take Blows to Your Confidence

Whenever you call out their behavior, they turn it back on you:

  • “You’re being too sensitive.”

  • “That never happened.”

  • “Wow, I was just joking. Why are you so dramatic?”

Gaslighting keeps you questioning yourself, making you easier to control.

And on top of that, they chip away at your confidence with subtle jabs:

  • Pointing out your flaws constantly.

  • Making “harmless” jokes about your insecurities.

  • Comparing you to others in ways that make you feel small.

Because if they keep you doubting yourself, you won’t see your full power—and that’s exactly what they want.

6. They Are Always the Victim

No matter what happens, they are the victim.

  • If they hurt you, they make you feel guilty for calling them out.

  • If they betray someone else, they spin the story to make themselves look innocent.

  • They claim to do so much for others, constantly reminding people of their “good deeds” while lamenting that “no one gives back to them.”

It’s all about controlling the narrative and keeping sympathy on their side.

Breaking Free from a Narcissistic Friendship

If any of this sounds familiar, know this: You do not have to stay in a friendship that drains you.

  • Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.

  • Set boundaries. Watch how they react—narcissistic friends hate when you no longer play by their rules.

  • Distance yourself. You don’t owe anyone constant access to your life, especially if they misuse it.

  • Surround yourself with genuine people. Real friends celebrate you, protect you, and uplift you.

A narcissistic friend will never truly be happy for you, but that’s not your burden to carry. You deserve friendships where you are respected, valued, and safe.

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