Boundaries Are Not Toxic—They Are Necessary

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I recently dreamed about boundaries, which gave me a deeper understanding of their importance.

In the dream, I was in my home, hosting guests. To my surprise, some of those guests had invited their own guests—without my permission. Feeling overwhelmed, I stepped away to gather myself before addressing the situation. But when I entered my bedroom, I was shocked to find someone lying in my bed.

Immediately, I confronted the relative who had invited them. I firmly stated that not only was it inappropriate to bring people into my home without asking, but allowing them into my personal space—my bedroom—without my consent was utterly unacceptable.

The room fell silent as I spoke, and then an older man, whom I didn’t even know, chimed in to call me toxic for asserting my boundaries. That’s when it hit me—this relative had been discussing me with these people, which explained why they felt entitled to disrespect my space.

Family and the Lack of Boundaries

One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that relatives do not automatically mean respect. Many family members assume that because they “raised you” or “knew you since childhood,” they have unlimited access to your life. Even if your name is on the deed, they act as if they are entitled to your space, time, and emotions.

I used to struggle with this, feeling guilty when I enforced my boundaries. But in that dream, I stood firm. I told the man who called me toxic that if protecting my peace made me toxic, I would accept that label gladly.

When People Show You Who They Are—Believe Them

The dream reminded me of a recent real-life incident. I had someone over a few weeks ago, and we discussed a sensitive issue. I asked her not to repeat anything out of respect for all involved, especially since we didn’t have all the facts. She agreed.

Yet, not long after, she turned around and told someone anyway.

She killed the vibe, and I was done with her. Not because I was being dramatic but because she reminded me too much of my family—the same people who ignore boundaries and then cry victim when held accountable.

That dream confirmed that I needed to continue asserting my boundaries. I’ve realized that I often hold back because I don’t want to feel like the “bad guy.” But here’s the truth: I cannot risk my peace of mind for people who refuse to respect me.

Boundaries Are Not Up for Debate

If that dream taught me anything, I do not owe anyone an explanation for walking away when they violate my boundaries. I don’t need to have a conversation with people who know what they’re doing. People are very aware when they cross a line—they just don’t like being called out for it.

So, if you’ve ever been made to feel guilty for enforcing your boundaries, know this: You are not the problem! Those who respect you will honor your boundaries. Those who don’t will call you toxic for protecting yourself.

Let them.

Then, keep walking.

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