Selective Support: When Family Picks and Chooses Who to Lift Up

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Family is often seen as the foundation of unconditional love and support, but what happens when that support is selectively given? This question has been a recurring theme in my life, and reflecting on it has been both painful and eye-opening.

I’ve always struggled because my family often chose to uplift those who weren’t putting in the effort while leaving me unsupported. It wasn’t just about being overlooked—it felt like a constant attack on my life and the goals I was striving to achieve.

One moment stands out vividly: my mother proudly attended my cousin’s graduation, celebrating her accomplishments, but didn’t bother to come to mind when I graduated from Delta College. That hurt deeply, but it wasn’t the only instance. My aunt, for example, frequently boasts about paying all the bills in the family house to support my cousin simply because she has a baby. It’s as if having a child excuses everything else, no matter what questionable actions she’s taken.

Meanwhile, I was left feeling judged and scrutinized. Rather than receiving help or encouragement, I was painted as a bad mom. My struggles weren’t acknowledged, and my efforts were dismissed. Yet, despite the lack of support, I was still expected to show up—to contribute, help, and be there for them.

Reflecting on these patterns has been a necessary step in my healing journey. While painful instances like these continue to resurface, I’m learning to process my emotions and release the resentment that has lingered for years. Recognizing these dynamics for what they are helps me take a step back and focus on what truly matters: my growth, my peace, and creating a supportive environment for myself and my child.

I’ve come to understand that I can’t control how others choose to give their support, but I can control how I respond. Moving forward, I’m focusing on the people and spaces that uplift and encourage me. The process hasn’t been easy, but acknowledging these realities is essential to letting go and reclaiming my narrative.


Cheers to a new calendar year and putting yourself first!

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