When Parents Take Credit for Their Child’s Success

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Parents are often seen as our biggest supporters, cheerleaders, and guides—or at least, that's the ideal. But what happens when a parent who hasn't been present, provided support, or invested in their child's endeavors suddenly takes credit for their success?

It's a painful and confusing reality for many, especially those who've had to build their paths without the needed encouragement or resources. I can personally attest to this experience. Every accomplishment I've achieved has been with little to no support—none of which came from my parents. So, I deeply understand how hurtful it can be when absent parents publicly praise you as if they played a part in your success.

Success is rarely an overnight phenomenon. Behind every milestone are hours of hard work, personal sacrifices, and moments of self-doubt. For parents who've been absent—whether physically or emotionally—to suddenly claim credit for their child's achievements diminishes the effort and resilience it took to get there.

The Pain of Unsupported Success

It's deeply hurtful to see someone take ownership of work they never contributed to, especially when that success came at the cost of unseen struggles. For me, this has meant battling depression behind closed doors, often feeling isolated because I didn't have the family support others seemed to take for granted.

I overcame my parents' lack of validation through sheer determination. Yet, when those same individuals show up after the hard work is done—sometimes even attempting to emulate my achievements—it feels like another blow. It's as though they're rewriting history, erasing the challenges I faced without them.

Why Some Parents Take Credit for Their Child's Success

There are many reasons why a parent might claim their child's accomplishments as their own:

  1. Ego and Validation
    Some parents see their child's success as a reflection of their worth, using it to boost their self-esteem or social status.

  2. Social Pressure
    In a world that often measures parenting success by a child's achievements, some parents craft a narrative of involvement to align with societal expectations.

  3. Guilt or Regret
    Absent parents may attempt to rewrite the past, taking credit to cope with feelings of guilt or regret for not being present.

  4. Cultural or Generational Beliefs
    Parents may feel entitled to their children's achievements in certain cultures or family dynamics simply because they brought them into the world.

  5. Control and Manipulation
    Narcissistic parents often use their child's success as a tool for maintaining control. By framing achievements as something they enabled, they diminish the child's independence and create a false sense of obligation.

The Impact on the Child

When parents claim unearned credit for their child's achievements, it can have a profound emotional impact, leaving the child feeling:

  • Invisible: Their hard work and autonomy are overshadowed.
  • Invalidated: Success feels recognized only when it benefits others.
  • Frustrated or Betrayed: Especially if they had to overcome obstacles created by the very parent taking credit.

This dynamic can also affect future relationships, making it harder for the child to set boundaries with others who try to take advantage of their accomplishments.

Reclaiming Your Success

If you've experienced this, know it's okay to set boundaries and correct the narrative. You have every right to acknowledge your efforts and clarify that your success is yours.

Here's how to approach it:

  • Firmly Speak Up: Let them know that while you appreciate their pride, your accomplishments result from your hard work.
  • Acknowledge Your Journey: Regularly reflect on how far you've come, recognizing the effort you've put in without seeking validation from those who didn't contribute.
  • Set Boundaries: Protect your peace by limiting how much influence or access these individuals have to your life.

Success Belongs to the One Who Earns It

At its core, success is deeply personal—it belongs to the one who puts in the effort, makes sacrifices, and perseveres through challenges. While it's natural for parents to feel proud of their children, there's a significant difference between pride and ownership.

If you've navigated your journey without the support you deserved, know this: Your accomplishments are yours and yours alone. You did the work. You earned the recognition. And you have every right to set the record straight.

Keep shining, and never let anyone diminish your incredible journey to get where you are today.

Your success is your story. Own it.

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