Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

There are so many faces. When I look in the mirror, who shall I be today?

I do not see myself anymore; I have not since childhood.

I felt small, scolded for who I was, and belittled for not comparing myself to my siblings.

Abused and manipulated to believe the treatment was a way of life. I grew to hate them and myself.

So much anger, so much pain. How can I function in life?

In my most profound depth, I want to be a good person, but my hatred is greater.

I can not hurt who hurt me. What would everyone think?

Because I am a despicable person, only my abusers I have to fall back on.

 

I pretend to be everyone I see.

It makes me more interesting.

I lost myself years ago. Neither my thoughts nor my emotions ever grow.

So I pretend to be you to impress her.

She is unaware this is your personality, which I am mimicking.

She is falling in love with you, not me.

Once I run out of things to say, I watch dating shows and YouTube to gather more personality.

When she realizes she fell for you, I will have taken on her personality.

 

I am a very toxic person.

I plan carefully; every effort is to hurt who I can't hurt, so I hurt you.

The woman who destroyed me yet expects me to protect and provide for her, I hate.

I would love to demolish her, so I tear down what looks like her.

Slowly and subtly, I become your worst nightmare, just as she did me, but no one will believe you.

I thrive being you; they see only your goodness, not me.

Your speech becomes my speech.

I copied topics you are fluent in as if I knew this information.

I become you right before your eyes.

While you love to talk and share things in excitement, I am plotting to share all this with the next woman I DM on social media.

I keep one woman in rotation after the next, pulling all of them with the previous woman's personality.

None of you will ever receive love from me; I hate you all because I'm not too fond of the one that bore me.

She is who I am destroying when I destroy you.

I like men, but that is my secret to keep.

 

You can't tell?

All these women month after month, and you think I want a relationship with one?

No, they are just a casualty of war.

This great war on the inside.

The war was because of the molestation, that incident that darkened me.

Yeah, she did it, and that's why I hate her.

I will never be the man I pretend to be; I mirror everyone.

I have no original thought in my mind. I am a shell, lifeless, only seeking to steal your personality, kill your esteem, and destroy all of your dreams.

 

Have you ever wondered why you did not get that job?

It is because I swapped destiny with you.

I am not even smart enough to do this work, but I sit, I learn, and be the best coon I can be, literally kissing the white man's ass all day long.

Yes, I will kiss his ass, but never yours because I have no respect for you.

I play the role long enough to trap you, then remove the mask to annihilate you.

Going insane trying to figure out if you are in a nightmare or a consequence of your decisions will drive you up a wall.

Before you know it, you will have gained excessive weight, your skin inflamed, your self-esteem is low, and you're stagnant.

I mirror you until there is nothing left, hating you from the moment you crossed my path, and I exclaim, "She is my next victim."

I will never get the help I need; I will just discard you and pick the next victim from my rotation.

My family will turn against you. Once I fill them with how you respond as if it is your initial behavior, they will hate you, too.

Please remember, I don't tell the truth. Truth is a word I am not familiar with.

Everything you say that you don't like, I will do to feed off your reactions and blame you when I do not put forth any effort.

I will deprive you mentally and sexually until you cheat, and then I will say you are why it did not work, although I have been with multiple others the entire time.

No one will believe the emotional abuse I put you through; people rarely believe these victims, so when you try to talk about it, you will feel worse because they will say, "That's a good man, Savanah."

 

Mirror mirror on the wall. I am the person who did you wrong.

I am the one who hurt you in childhood.

Your parental wounds manifested in your partner.

The familiar spirit will show until you address those wounds and stop picking what's familiar.

You are used to this behavior; your mother was the same way, but I am worse.

While she may be older, I have had much time to perfect this craft.

Don't be the one to figure me out, though, because you will be the one I will destroy in the worst way.

 

 "Signed, the undiagnosed narcissists, just like your mom and mine."

 

 

Thanks for reading! If any of what was shared sounds familiar, save yourself. You are dealing with a dark soul draining your energy source, which only worsens. Be safe.