Flawed Measurement of My Strength

-



Why is my strength determined by how much you put me through?
Did you watch your mom break time and time again only to embrace him once again?
Was that strength to you?
How many times must I cry a river and torpedo inside?
I am vital to you because you cheated, and I took you back.
I am capable of you because I raised our child in lack.
I am stable to you because you deliberately abused me psychologically, and I did not break.
You don’t see the damage as I have learned to pretend well. Maybe my ability to act is a strength.
When will my strength be measured by my success and not my pain?
You don’t understand how many times I wanted to take the easy way out.
How many times I stood over you as you slept, wanting to put your lights out.
How many times I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t say goodbye.
That does not mean I am strong; it is a weakness.
But your mother did it, you say.
When will you admit you despise her?
She distorted your view of all women; you have convinced yourself otherwise because you don’t want to feel that way about your mother but look at how you treat me.
Your actions towards me are a reflection of what you wish you could do to her.
You know she was weak; you are mad at her for staying that long, but the conditioning whispers to walk away is soft, so you call me tenacious because I remain.
Dysfunction is all I know, so I assumed it’s love, I’m not too fond of it here, but I have nowhere else to go.
Why has pain become the ruler to measure a black woman’s strength.
What is strength anyway?
Do tell.
Is strength power?
So why am I not sound because I have acquired and applied knowledge?
Why isn’t my ability to think for myself declared strong?
I am building something to leave my children’s children. Is that not strong?
So, I am only tough when in pieces caused by a man’s hammering, I forgive repeatedly?
Deeply entrenched in our community are perverted views of forgiveness.
The real forgiveness belongs to me for staying.
I am walking away now; strength chooses to heal and leave you with your baggage you won’t unpack.
Strength says no more tearing me down; I choose me.
My strength will not be measure by how much toxicity I can bear before I break.
Strength stands tall and says no more.
I won’t put more on myself than I can bear.






Thank you for reading!
You can find me on Facebook in a private group Unaltered Voices where we take freedom in speech seriously. Hope to see you there.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Psychologically Unsafe Living Environments

-
Image
  "My living environment began to get highly toxic and uncomfortable to the point where I cried a lot, was angry with myself, and was in a state of depression." -Brittany D. Jackson   I felt this! I could relate to the author as she detailed how hard it was for her to live in one toxic environment after the other. These environments take a toll on us mentally and emotionally, making it difficult to trust others. Suppose you have ever felt extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, worthlessness, or feeling drained being around certain people more than likely. In that case, you are living in or have lived in an unsafe environment. Most of us have, at some point, experienced these living conditions at an early age in our childhood homes.   I grew up in psychologically unsafe living conditions. There was access to designer things and everything else to look good on the outside, but the internal structure was in shambles. I could not wait to get out on my own; there was no reason for ...
Read more

Identifying When To Invest In A Life Coach

-
Image
Some life coaches have experienced trauma, healed and overcame it, and are now helping others. They have become who they need for others. Other times, they have mastered an area of their lives and are now helping others who exhibit gifts in that same area. Your need for a coach will depend on where you lack the knowledge or resources to accomplish your goals.   Coaching and consultants are taking the industry by storm. Anything you need, there is someone to help. It is a matter of finding them and making sure they are a good fit. By the end of this article, if you feel you need a coach but not in my area, please email me to help you find who you need.  Life Coaching does for the mind what a personal trainer does for the body. We help with assessing a situation to provide strategies for moving forward. It is a gradual process that allows individuals to dig beneath their thoughts and beliefs to help them understand internal obstacles to their success and wellbeing. ...
Read more

The Cost of Settling: A Journey to Healing and Growth

-
Image
Healing is often a painful yet transformative process. As we release the hurt, the sting of past decisions can feel overwhelming. However, I've grown to appreciate those moments because I understand what's happening beneath the surface. That doesn't mean it's easy, but I've learned to embrace this part of the process more than ever. Recently, I reflected on my life—my decisions and the countless times I settled. My heart sank as I thought about how often I compromised in my career, relationships, significant purchases, and almost every area of life. One vivid memory came to mind: I worked a job that paid me $11 an hour. Sitting at my desk, I recalled someone saying, "Your skills are transferable." Yet, I worked for a company that didn't value me or my contributions. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I settled. I was enduring so many challenges at that job: being lied about, undervalued, and made to feel inadequate. The environment was toxic—severe abuse ...
Read more