Unaltered Voices

At the age of thirty-one, I finally heard those words, “I’m proud of you.” It did not sound as expected by that time, so I sat there wondering what to say back. I waited to hear someone say they were proud of me for decades; eventually, I lost myself in the wait. I listened to what I wasn’t but never what I was.  I shared my heart’s desire to hear those words; I also acted out to get attention and redirection. Why wasn’t I being encouraged to dream? Everything I did wrong was magnified, but when I did well, I experienced minimization.  It seemed as though doing good was not rewarding, so I sunk.  It crushed me not to hear what other people were telling their children; it tore me apart to have my efforts dismissed. My drawings, writings, exceptional cleaning, and doing things a child should not have to do to hear someone say, I am proud of you. This type of deprivation takes an emotional toll on a person. It wounds the child, and the child never grows up emotionally. At...

Are you genuinely supported, or do you have people in your life who will cheer you on but as soon as you make it to the finish, the cheering stops?  Have you noticed they are happy when you are stagnant but shift their attitudes when you began to heal and do well? You finally endured to the end, but the silence is loud and confusing. You ask, weren’t they praying for me? Are those the same people who said, “I can do all things through Christ”? So, what happened? They are pretty quiet now; what’s going on?    Lack of support led me to live such an unaccomplished life; I honestly felt like no one expected me ever to win. Those thoughts broke me, and continued disappointments created a cycle of stagnancy that was hard to break. I recall times when their words said one thing, but the energy said differently. Why do people root you on when deep down, they do not like you? I understood genuine support spoke in action to accompany words. I have also realized some help is o...

Remember the 80/20 rule mentioned in the Why Did I Get Married movie? Okay great! I will be talking about that relationally but not necessarily from the angle mentioned in the film. I learned a great lesson where this rule is concerned.  Great teachers imparted wisdom nuggets; others cost to obtain.  I was hitting my head repeatedly, eventually armed me with ways to stop injuring myself in that manner.  I was once a person who chose the background. No, I wasn’t humble; I did not believe in my ability to make my moves. However, I learned a lot that would be beneficial later down the road. I thought it was humility for some time; there were deeper roots that resulted in my doing this, I later discovered. Well, I worked on many projects with various people. People noticed my get it done in an organized fashion mentality and wanted to work with me. I was precise with my work, I looked up what I didn’t understand, and I made it happen. I was the person to share a visio...